Sometimes I surprise even myself about how ridiculous my life can be. Usually, nothing too crazy happens, but every so often, weird stuff happens. Stuff that only ever happens to me. This New Years Eve was no exception.

By NYE standards, my night was pretty tame. I went to my dad’s place, had a few drinks and was in bed by 4am. Even though I started drinking on an empty stomach and even though I didn’t make a point to drink copious amounts of water, I didn’t get completely plowed and I woke up feeling fine, albeit a bit tired.

The next morning, I’m gathering up my gear and putting everything by the door so it’s all in once place when I leave. As I’m putting everything downstairs, I look for my shoes; they’re not there but I knew they were last night.

My dad has a shithead of a dog that likes to take shoes from the door and chew on them upstairs. But it’s weird even for Dusty to take both shoes; he’s usually content with destroying only one.

As I’m finishing my visit, I keep an eye out for my shoes. I finally find them; by the back door, arranged neatly side-by-side. I found it strange; I didn’t think I’d gone out the back door and Dusty doesn’t leave anything neatly side-by-side.

Regardless, I put on my shoes and left. On the drive home, I started noticing that my shoes were tighter than normal. I decided my feet were swollen; after all, edema is probably a symptom of excessive alcohol consumption.

A couple days later, I went to wear the shoes and remembered the ride home New Year’s Day. I thought to myself “I wonder if the swelling has gone down yet”, kind of chuckling to myself at the ludicrousness of that thought.

I slipped on the shoes and they didn’t fit. What the….?

As I kick off one of the shoes, it flips over and reveals the size of the shoe. A whopping 2 sizes* smaller than the ones I bought. Mother Fucker. I guess I shop at the same store as someone else at the party. I guess that same person left thinking that their feet had shrunk.

They left while heavily intoxicated; I did not.

And then I had the pleasure of making an embarrassing phone call to Bev to tell her I stole her friend’s shoes. 😐


*Note – I can’t remember what size I bought… it might only be one size, in fact, it probably is only one size, but “whopping 2 sizes” sounds more impressive than “a whole size”, so I’m leaving it in there.*