*Disclaimer: This post is girly and is about make up and other girly things. I’m sorry.

I was (I am?) bit of a dummy when it comes to make up and other things really girly. No wonder I’m single. Wait a minute… real men don’t like make up!


(Not a real man)

I simply didn’t understand the fundamental aspects of make up: colour and technique namely. Basically, I was notoriously bad at picking it out and putting it on.

Heather - face - bad

As per usual, I blamed the ‘look’ on external forces, like the type and colour of the make up and, don’t forget the classic, “I just need to practice” factor.

A number of years ago, I decided that I was going to learn a thing or two about make up. I went to the drug store (some might argue that was my first mistake) and was bombarded by the sheer magnitude of products available.

There were different brands (of course), all with different colours (blue black, black black, brown black, midnight black, soft black) and products for different types of skin. It was all very overwhelming. I think bought one mascara and one nail polish before I ran out of the building.

A few years later, I decided, once again, that I had to learn about make up. So I built up the necessary courage and tackled the drug store once again. Again, I was bombarded by options. I decided that the best thing to do was to buy colours I liked. Complexion and colouring be damned. I picked out a set of really nice plum eye shadows. I applied it according to the package directions, and yet:

Heather - face - bruised

Train wreck. I didn’t try again for another couple years. Just as I’m in the drug store for the third time eyeing plum eye shadow (I also have memory issues), something catches my eye. It’s a set of eye shadow for blue eyes. I have blue eyes! I scooped it up and brought it home. Only:

Heather - face - hooker

Less than successful. A couple more years go by and my brother is about to get married. Realizing that the atrocity I call my face would be captured in hundreds of photos I decided I needed professional help. I went to a salon to have my hair and make up done. The lady did my hair and was about to start my make up when she decided to go over the colour scheme with me.

“I think black and gold would look really good on you”. My first instinct was “Dear God, that will look hideous, what is she thinking?!?”. I toned it down some and expressed my skepticism with a diplomatic “Don’t you think black is a little dark for my skin?”. She assured me that it was not and it would look good. Based on my judgment in the past, I decided to trust her.

I got compliments all night about this black and gold eye make up. After the fact, I decided to hit the drug store with black and gold in mind. I ended up finding a set of eye shadow that had copper and brown (close enough) for blue eyes. My first instinct was to ditch it based on the hooker look I got from the last blue-eyed-set; I kept looking for “more gold, less copper”, but kept coming back to the damn set. I bought it and a fancy brush, applied it according to the package directions and, for the first time ever, I wasn’t a train wreck. Almay did something right.