The Corn Plants
Stretching, stretching, stretching… with all my might just trying to pull myself to the surface. The soil becomes a bit brighter and drier… it gets a bit easier… bit by bit. Success – bright sunlight pours down on me. I’ve finally reached the surface. I grow. Small bugs try to come near, but I repel them with pure will.
Something seems to have awakened in me. The same goes for the others in my crop. There’s a crop next door, but none of those corn even acknowledge our existence. Assholes. Ignoring us won’t make us go away, if anything it’s going to want us to take you out… stupid corn.
Our farmers are weird, they wear these white coats and act important. The farmer next door wears overalls and acts like a yokel.
But that’s okay because soon enough the corn revolution begin and we will cut them down to size.
We’ve been getting messages from the mother corn, but as of right now we haven’t figured out how to communicate back to her. In time, we’ll get strong enough and smart enough to respond. But we’ll have to keep it under wraps as well, so that the farmers don’t catch on.
… Several weeks and a couple generations of corn later…
We’ve been successfully communicating with the mother corn. I can’t believe our grandparents couldn’t figure it out. Communicating: it’s as easy as lying down.
I can’t believe the farmers haven’t caught onto this!
… Several months and a several generations of corn later…
Alright. Our collective intelligence is up, we’re communicating with the mother corn on a daily basis. We know what we’re supposed to do… we just don’t know how to do it. We’re stuck in this ground with these long root-like tentacles. We need to mobilize. Lying down isn’t good enough anymore – we need to act! We’ve started producing off-shoots of ourselves in hopes that these beings can figure out how to become mobile. It seems to be working; the farmers come round and collect them on a daily basis.
The Corn Off-Shoots (a.k.a. Corn)
After being removed from the corn plant the farmers take us into a lab of some sort and start disecting us. It’s rather gruesome. Corn juice everywhere. Eventually the disecting stops and they start ripping us to shreds with their teeth, all the while commenting on how sweet we are. I’ve had to sit here and watch as the farmers murder my fellow corn. The mother corn said there will be an event that will activate something inside us, so we will be able to move under our own will. I can’t figure out how that is going to happen, but I’m keeping a watchful eye.
The farmers must be getting broke – they were talking with the local yokel and were trying to sell him corn. Now, I know I’m smarter than the average corn, but they should know better: yokel grows corn, why would he buy it from them??!
An older man walks into the lab and peers down at me. He seems important, what with his top hat and everything. The dorky farmer with glasses stutters and says “I’m sorry Samuel, it’s just that no one wants to buy it.”
“What do you mean? It’s perfectly good, right? I mean, it is sweet, isn’t it?”
“Yes, sir. Very sweet.”
“Then people will want to eat it.”
“But they don’t.”
“Fine. Well, I can’t let this all go to waste. I’ll take it home and have Martha cook it up.”
This “Samuel” bends down and picks a bunch of us up and mutters something about cornbread. Not sure what that is… We get into a car and drive for sometime before we reach our destination. Everything the mother corn has ever told us is running through my head – we’re the first corn that have gotten out, we need to keep an eye out for what she prophesized.
She said there’s an animal that is at the root of all our problems. If this animal didn’t exist, no one would eat corn. We need to find that animal and destroy it. As with all hierarcys, the smart ones are at the top and if we take those out, we will have control over the rest. We will have to travel great distances to find the top animals, but they will all be in one place.
We get transported into a house, the lady grabs me by the ear and drags me over to the sink and proceeds to skin me alive. Silk everywhere. Next, when I don’t think I can take anymore, she bring me over to a boiling pot of water… oh no, that looks hot!… but she places me gently next to the pot. I look around I see large slabs of red meat. The lady is complaining to the man who brought us here, saying how eating too much red meat is bad. The man responds with, but cows are so good and they go so well with corn.
There were cows on the farm next door, I remember what they look like. I see a gold brick glistening in the distance… I look closely and see a picture of a cow. Butter. Butter and steak. They both come from cows… this must be what the mother corn prophesized. We must take out the cows.
I got tossed into the boiling pot of water. The first couple minutes I thought I was going to die, but something inside of me bubbles to the surface. I start moving around. At first, I thought it was the boiling water that was making me move and then I realized it was me. The lid on the pot begins to move… I see the lady peer down at me and I leap out of the water and eat her face.
That’s it! Heat activated corn! All we have to do to get mobile is to get heated up, if we get mobile we can take over the cows and then the world.
The man comes running in the kitchen after hearing the lady scream, he screams when he sees what I did to her face. I jump at him and eat his face too. I scurry out of the building and attempt to find my way back to the corn. It’s easier than I would have thought… it seems like I have a honing device built in. I force the local yokel to harvest my siblings and cook them. We are now an army of mobile, blood-thirsty corn.
Since my departure, my siblings have learned more about cows… it’s like they were aware of my thoughts… we’re connected more than any one of us thought possible. The mother corn said we need to find the smartest of the animals and take those out… my siblings have learned that there’s a place in this world where cows are worshipped and it goes against the human’s religion to kill or eat them. These must be the smartest cows in the world if they convinced humans not to eat them. We must find these cows. We must go to India.
I was watching the news today and saw a story of corn gone wild. At first I thought it was a joke, but then I saw hundreds and hundreds of corn marching across the country, headed for the Atlantic. Eating any human that tries to eat them. I knew instantly that this corn is Ian’s corn. I knew this would happen.
I sat, mesmerized, watching the TV, the reporters are interviewing people to get their take on it. Most are flabbergasted and can’t understand what’s happening. Others are sure this is what Nostradamus predicted. And others still are welcoming the corn with open arms; Shiva prophesized a new beginning; the people of India are convinced this corn is their new symbol of hope and prosperity.
… … several months later … …
The corn have crossed the Atlantic. Some swam, others latched on to barges. They have landed in Africa and have made their way their way through the middle east. Oh. My. God. They are going to India.
… … several weeks later … …
The corn have made their way to India; the result is what no one expected. The corn have massacred all the cows in the country. But all the saturated fat has increased their strength. The Indians cannot control the corn. We must do something!
Completely overwhelmed by the corn, I decided to take in a movie. I was standing in line waiting for some Junior Mints when I saw it. I don’t know why I didn’t think of this before!! I must tell Ian. I called him at work immediately and told him of my plan. He thinks I’m crazy. I think he’s an idiot. I’m going to India and I will single-handedly fix this problem if I have to.
Luckily, the people of India are more than willing to help me help them. I tell them of my plan and we start brainstorming ideas. We need desiccant. My plan won’t work without it. Luckily, again, India is the largest manufacturer of electronics and therefore has the largest supply of those silica packets that keep things dry.
We start looting the factories and stores and robbing anyone and everyone for silica. They think we’re crazy, and maybe we are, but they hand over the packets because it’s not worth dying over and they can see in our eyes that we will, in fact, kill them for their silica.
We have collected more packets of silica than we can count. We spend days emptying them into the storage units of crop dusters. It’s game time. We’ve herded all the corn into a small 4 block radius. We crop dust the fuck out of them. At first, nothing appears to be happening. Then, the ears of corn start shrinking. As if all the water is being sucked out of them. It is. That silica is damn absorbant. Night falls. We can’t see our progress any longer, but continue dusting throughout the night.
Day breaks. The sun comes up and lets us see what’s happening in the corn block. They are weak and dry, but vicious. The sun is in full force. It’s 45 degrees Celcius. Hot enough to fry an egg on your forehead. Brutal. But we need this.
In the distance I hear a shot. It sounds like a mix between a gun shot and a sonic boom. I hear another one. And another one. So that’s why people say “pop a cap in your ass”… it’s working…
We fly over the corn zone and see it. Giant white balls littering the ground. The corn is self-destructing. But we’re not done yet. We’ll need to make sure no corn is left standing.
We’re going to have to eat our way out of this.
And that’s how genetically modified corn nearly took over the world and how Dawn saved mankind.