I have a tendency to fall in love with guys with whom I have absolutely no hope of them loving me back. It’s dangerous territory, but in my defense, these guys tend to be people that I’ve never met; I have no idea what they’re actually like. I’m not sure that helps my argument… In fact, I’m fairly certain it hinders it. Hmmm… no wonder I’m single. It’s heartbreaking, yet, I continue to do it. I’m probably bringing this on myself.

In my defense, again, this “love” isn’t actual love… Mostly, I “heart” them and just lack the vocabulary skills necessary to express my feelings without sounding like a stalker. So, by default, I call it love, because that, (apparently) is the least stalker-ish word I know… I should probably start reading the dictionary again. Or maybe a thesaurus this time.

Guys I love and have absolutely no hope in reciprocation:

1) Guys that are dead

Dead

2) Guys that live on the other side of the world

Other side of Earth

3) Guys that are married, in a relationship, or just plain “happy” (damn them!)

In Love

4) Guys that find me repulsive

Heather - Repulsive

My #1 #1 (i.e. the guy I love the most that happens to be dead) is Elliott Smith. Oh, if only he was still alive… I’d stalk the hell out of him! Okay, probably not, but I do think he’s a musical genius and absolutely beautiful. I really wish I’d had a chance to meet him (or at least see him from afar) while he was still on this earth. *sigh*.

Fav

My most recent #1 #2 (i.e. the guy I love the most that happens to live on the other side of the world) is Xavier Rudd… he lives in Australia. Dammit. I also think he’s a genius and beautiful, although not as much as my fav… sorry Xavier.

Xavier

I had an opportunity to see Xavier recently – although it didn’t result in a marriage proposal, he did look in my direction at least twice! And if paying good money to see him from afar and to have him look in my general direction is what I can get, then I guess I’ll take it.

My first #1 #3 (i.e. the guy I love the most that is married/happy) was Jack Johnson… I was devastated when I realized that he was married… what is that shiny thing on his left ring finger?? *gasp* *sob*

jack-johnson-picture-2

I just realized all my “loves” have been musicians… Hmmm… I must have a non-musical one…

My most recent #1 #3 is this guy that works with a friend of mine. He doesn’t quite fit the criteria, because I have, in fact, met him, but it’s not like I know him, so I’ll still use him as an example. He’s quite the specimen; if you looked up “a ten” in the dictionary, his picture would be there. I held a torch for him for awhile and was convinced that the next event we were both at would be the time he realized how amazing I am. I attended the event, so did he. He didn’t profess his love for me. And then his wife and children showed up… and they looked happy. Dammit!

I don’t know who is my #1 #4 is… (i.e. the guy that I love the most that finds me repulsive)… Honestly, I can’t think of anyone who I was (or am) in love with that actually finds me repulsive (or, more accurately, has told me as such). It’s just my go-to reason for why they don’t love me back (… I must be hideous…).

Heather - Really Ugly

Okay, I must love things other than musicians…. Well, recently, I’ve become an internerd (blog: case and point); I used to laugh at people like me. So it probably won’t come as too much of a surprise that my most recent loves are on the internet. Like the others, I don’t know them and have no idea what they are actually like…. but I do heart them regardless. I had three favorites, but two of them left me for greener pasteurs, so that leaves me with one… but he’s my favorite anyway, so it works out.

He writes articles for Cracked.com (The Bucholz Discharge… awesome!). He’s witty and smart and seriously funny. He’s also a huge jackass, which some may consider a bad thing, myself, I find it endearing. Also, I’m a jackass, so I think we’d get along. And… according to a post of his, he’s Canadian. Bonus!!! All Canadians know each other, right? Maybe all hope isn’t lost.

With my luck he lives in Halifax, is married and finds me repulsive. Fucker.

Heather - Frowning

Big thanks to EliseArt for providing the illustrations!

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