I got pestered today saying that I hadn’t kept up with my ‘responsibilities’, so here I am, posting this out of spite. Enjoy!
I have this friend at work, Gorm, he is, hands down, the most random person I’ve ever met. In a good way, but random as hell.
He initiates conversations with sentences like “what if instead of your hair growing out of your scalp, it grew out of your face? And what kind of hairstyles would you be able to do?”. Or “Imagine if your hair grew inside of your head instead of out and then it came out of your nose and you could floss your nose with your hair… how would you style it?”
So, one day, he calls me random. In fact, he says that I’m more random than him. And I’ve only included 2 examples… We’ve been working together for 3 years!!!! I may be “ramdon”, but regardless.
So anyway, you may not know this about me, but I’m a big fan of polls. If there’s ever a reason to poll someone on some *cough* random *cough* subject, I will do it! So he called me random and I decided to poll people on it. But no, I couldn’t just poll people like normal (i.e. everybody that is within a 5 metre radius at any given moment), no, I have to follow his polling rules. So I start to accept the conditions, but then I realize that he’s already skewing the polls to tip in his favour, by only allowing certain people to be polled. So not fair.
So, behind his back, I start polling people. And as expected, I get the results I want. Feeling confident, I return to our workstation and start telling him that I will accept his conditions, knowing full well, that the people I’ve already secretly polled will be returning and will poll in my favour.
But he throws a curve ball. He suggests this other guy, that I hadn’t pre-polled, that I’m actually really, really good friends with. So, cocky as hell, I accept yet another condition because I’m pretty damn sure that this other guy (the best work friend I have) will poll in my favour.
So, here he comes and I pose the question. He looks at me, he looks at Gorm and considers it. I’m feeling self-conscious, I didn’t think he’d have to think about it. And he really seems to be thinking about it. Dammit.
And then he says, well, Heather, since you’re a girl and I find girls confusing, I give you a 6 out of 10. I’m still totally optimistic, thinking that there are 4 other numbers that are higher than six, I’ve totally got this one in the bag… he’s so gonna say 10… He looks at my opponent, considers the number and says… four.
I completely flip my lid. I mean, I totally wasn’t expecting that. I practically had my victory dance all planned out. Dammit. So I flip out saying, how can you think that?! While Gorm does his victory dance. And sure, my “friend” reasons with me and we debate back and forth, but in the end I stormed out of there. And to this day, one year later, it still comes up.