I recently won a prize. Not exactly a Nobel Peace or Pulitzer Prize, or anything. But a prize nonetheless. It’s not exactly a well-known fact, but I really enjoy winning prizes. I find it thrilling. Despite my apparent bad luck in other arenas of my life, I can win door prizes like nobody’s business.

One year at my company Christmas party (sorry! ‘Year-End Party’.) I got to the venue a bit late, and seeing as I had only worked there for three months, the one table that had people at it that I knew, was full.

Of course.

I ended up getting a space at this table that just happened to have some empty seats. But they were people from a whole other department… that I had never had any contact with… awkward! Turns out, they were pretty lame and left right after dinner anyway. Before the prize draws even began! What are you? Crazy?!

Being, basically, the last person at table, I promptly started collecting all the discarded door prize vouchers and eagerly awaited the prize draw. The thing is that I work with a bunch of scientists. So just go ahead and try and get them excited about something other than chemistry and/or rush samples. I dare you! Needless to say, the prize draw was pretty tame.

However, not too long into the draw, my number was called. (And it was my actual number, not one of the ones I picked out of the garbage). I hopped up and started running over to the stage to collect my prize. The emcee, having watched the last ten ‘winners’, was very appreciative of my excitement and proclaims to the crowd “Now that’s what we want to see!”. I receive my prize and walk back to my table, flaunting it the whole way. It was a bottle of wine!!!!

I don’t even drink wine.

A few draws later, another number of mine comes up! Having just been up there, I convince my best friend to go up and claim the prize… c’mon… you can keep it! She proceeds to walk up to the stage and back to the table, ever so calmly. To be honest, I can’t even recall what the prize was… alls I know is: “that was my ticket – I WON!”.

A few draws later, another number of mine comes up! Incidentally, it was my best friends’ actual number, but since she had just been up there, and there was no one left at my table, I decided to go up to claim my prize. I was trying to play it cool; I didn’t want anyone to remember me. However, despite my attempt at censorship, my excitement was pretty obvious and the emcee recognized it right off the bat… “Hey! Didn’t you already win?” I guess he pieced it together.

Dammit.

“Yeah, but……. this is a ticket someone at my table gave me!”. Hoping beyond hope that I had a chance at winning something (other than the wine I won’t drink), I not-so patiently awaited his response. To my delight, spectators from the crowd start shouting out “Let her have it”, “So what if she already won”, “Oh, come on! Someone gave her the ticket”… Finally luck is on my side.

The emcee sighs; resigned, he hands me the hat. I draw out my number; lucky number 23, oh yeah! I see the lovely assistant approaching me with a gift basket. It looks beautiful. I can’t wait to see what it is. I receive my prize and walk back to my table, flaunting it the whole way. It’s a gift basket from Starbucks!!!!

I don’t even drink coffee.

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